Into the Allness of All-Being

Once again, words are inadequate. Yet, words are all we have to go on, as Tom Stoppard wrote in his brilliant play, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead. So, I will do my best.

Knowing, just knowing that experience will be as experience will be in the moment, in the Now and it will be intense in one moment and insipid in the next and it will be WholeBeing and it will be experienced by me, by others, and it will not break us. It will not end us.

I will feel love and I will feel loss and I will mourn and keen and sing and cry and so on and so on and that is as it is. It will not break me. It will not end me. There is nothing that can be any more intense or strange than what I've already lived through, already experienced.

In the moment, in the rise and fall of a day's light, a morning's doings, an evening's slow reclining into sleep, I will experience so much and it will fill me and change me and move me.

There is no avoiding it - this being All-being. We try sometimes. I try. We run from it in a great variety of ways. We use novels, television, drama in our personal lives, gossip about the drama in the lives of others. Addictions can take up a tremendous amount of time; they're very distracting. We use problems that aren't really problems, rather more of the experience of the Allness of All-being that we shrink from. We use all manner of ways to shield ourselves from the full experience of our being in the world. And it is all in vain. We inevitably experience it anyway, perhaps screened somewhat so that it will be bearable.

I sometimes think that we use words in the same way. We use words to put up a barrier of sorts between us and our experiences. "What was that?" we say, "What did it feel like? Look like? Seem like?" And then we bring in all kinds of words, memories, ideas. Those are safe, you see. They are of the mind, and therefore they cannot hurt us, being so hypothetical, so removed from flesh and bone and the emotions that surge through our hearts.

I choose not to screen it so much anymore. I choose to be fully present in the Now. What will be, will be. The Allness of it, the vast uncontrolled, uncontrollable influx of it into my consciousness, into my experience, into my senses, my muscles, my belly and my breath - I choose this. Like one of the ancient Greek heroes, undaunted by the unknown that faces him, I stand on the deck of my ship, charting an uncertain course through experience, through being in this vast Allness of experience. I am challenged, but undaunted.

And no attempt at control. No expectations of how it will be. No agenda, no program, no purpose or goal. Only limitless whole being, being Self in the world, fully aware, completely conscious, embracing the moment's experiencial offerings, the present in the present, the gift of self being in the world. Trusting. Trusting.

And as I spoke of briefly yesterday, there is a very real sense in me of the myriad selves that I have been, the twenty-year-old Lu and the ten-year-old and the Lu from five years ago and everything that I have ever been, ever done, ever said or thought or felt and all of these parts and pieces are brought into wholeness within me because I accept everything and love everything and embrace all aspects of being.

Step then, if you choose to, over the threshold of doubt and fear, into the Allness of All-Being.

Trusting.

Trusting.

Trusting.