Honouring the Free Will of Others

I'm sure that every person reading this will assert that he or she consistently honours the free will of others. We are civilized, after all, and that is what civilized people do. We do not coerce others. We do not force other people to act against their own will.

Do we?

I find this question to be a bit of a minefield. I believe that I have infringed on the free will of another, because I believe that all that I think and feel and choose, whether I act upon it or not, has an affect. My feelings and thoughts are like pepples falling into still water, and they send waves out in every direction. And this is true for all of us. We radiate. The question is: What are we radiating?

Most of the time, we just mind our own business and graciously wish for freedom and well-being for all whom we encounter. But what about when we are trying to get a promotion at work? What about when we are trying to sell our house, or buy a house that someone else has offered to purchase - pending the details of securing financing.... Do we think about the financing falling through for that person? Do we picture the colleague suddenly being called to work in another office, so that we can have a clear shot at that promotion? Oh, no harm is meant by it! Surely if we mean that no harm can come to another, we can dream our little day dreams and hope for the best for ourselves?

I don't know the answer to that question. Perhaps 'harm' being such a relative term, I can't fathom how I could possibly know what was harmful to that person and what was not. I do know one thing though. It feels very different within me when I refrain from wishing anything at all for another - good, bad or what-have-you - it feels very very different when I just don't wish anything for another. It feels clean. It feels free of some immeasurable weight.

We have names for this - "Let it go," we say, "Don't touch this; it's not yours." We can call it being karma-free. We can call it total acceptance. Honouring of the other's path and choices. I call it 'clean' and didn't know that I call it that until I wrote it just now.

Being a very strong-willed and determined person, and becoming ever more mindful, I find that I often infringe on others' free will. Maybe I'm being too careful.... But I have to follow my truth in this matter. I intend to become so mindful that I do not at all infringe on the free will and choices of others. Even my husband, my sister, my colleague. People whose actions and choices impact me. I want it to be easy. I want it to be fun and bright and peaceful. But it's not all up to me. I get to choose for me. I'm the boss of me. But you are the boss of you. And I don't get to make THAT call. Only you do.

I find this challenging! I want what I want when I want it! Yet, this new tendency toward an attitude that is always honouring of others seems to live within me and will not allow me to knowingly infringe on others' free will and choosing.

I remember a group of women, women who had all studied The Course in Miracles, sitting in a diner booth and talking about their lives, the way women do. One of the women had a lover, whom she adored, but who had become a crack cocaine addict. We all commisserated, of course. "Terrible tragedy," we murmured, until one woman said, "We don't know that. We don't know that it's a tragedy. It might be exactly what he needs to take him to where he has chosen to go. We don't know his path. It's not for us to judge it as terrible or wonderful or anything else."

That was years ago, that moment in the diner, and I honestly can't remember who it was who said it, yet I remember it so clearly because what she said echoed through me ....... echoed through me .........  and then again and again. It changed everything. We can't know. We don't know. Why, in God's name, do we judge? Why do we try to 'heal' each other, fear pain, fear illness? Why do we try to change each other? Make each other eat more vegetables and less sugar? Exhort younger sisters to wear less black? Shame our self-indulgent selves by shaming our self-indulgent neighbours?

Addict? Victim? Chronically ill moaner and whiner?

Human being with free will and the ability to choose and a path that is unique. Each to his or her own, a sacred path, a way forward that is perfect for that one person, a self that is to be honoured in all its seeming absurdity and contradiction.

Let it go.

Let it be.

Honour the free will of others .......  If that is your choice.

Free Will Under the Veil

I remember a friend saying to me, many years ago, when I complained for the twentieth time of feeling trapped in a relationship with an irrational and sometimes violent boyfriend, "We always have a choice, even when it seems as if we don't. We always have a choice."

We are constantly choosing, constantly telling the world of how dear to us our freedom is, yet constantly struggling under the weight of the necessity of choosing.

This beloved Earth realm both cradles and challenges us. It is the realm of choice-making and is not now, nor ever has been, a place for the faint of heart or those lacking courage. The veil of separation from ALL-That-Is allows us to make choices from our seeming separateness. This means that our consciousness hides from itself its essential Oneness with the ALL to allow itself to choose and choose and choose again - and always the choice is quite a simple one; love or fear.

It takes many forms. Inclusion or exclusion. Acceptance or judgement. Yes or no. Sharing or hoarding. Opening up or closing down.

I'm not speaking here so much about the choice of what to wear today, or what to eat for lunch, although even in such mundane and seemingly petty choices there are shades of love and fear. When we choose, for example, based on what others might think of us, we generally tend to be choosing fear over love.

There is a good deal of use made of the word 'intention' these days, and when we intend, we are also choosing. When we decide, we are choosing. Don't let the words get in the way. This instead of that. Him instead of that other one. These are choices. Will I reply to that email? Opening or closing? Acceptance or judgement? Love or fear?

When I intend to open myself and offer myself in service to the ALL, I choose love. When I sink into uncertainty and feel anxiety about what awaits me in the days and times to come, I have a choice - love or fear. The exquisite perfection of the veil's unknowing is that my choice must be made from this limited perspective. I do not know. I cannot. Those among us who claim that they do know are mistaken. None of us know what will come. God doesn't know what will come, for we are creating the future even now. It is not a done deal. And all that we are and all that we do has an effect on what will be and what will happen. So we are free to choose, under the veil of unknowing, of forgetting who We are, and the choice to love is made in trust. That's the only way it can be made because we do not know.

And the choice, made in trust in the moment, will be made again and again and again by us. Every moment, we have a choice. We must make it. Love or fear. Trust or all that is not trust.

Trust in Gaia. Trust in ourselves. Trust in the process. Trust in God.

Not easy, this. But perfect. For as we choose, we build this reality moment by moment. We are creators of our world, seeing only what lies directly before us, almost blind within our not-knowing. Trusting. Choosing love. Or not. That's okay; all of our choices create the world here under the veil.

Sonnet #3

When to this world some madness seems to cling,

Now words of war, now hatred, violence bring,

Or to the world itself seems damage made,

Now dam-held flow, now fear where children played,

Then ours is not to weakly weep and sigh.

The answer known from birth until we die,

That all that seems without is yet within.

And all the world's our body, sky our skin.

And ours a power larger than the sun -

To speak our will, for by our will be done

All works of Earth, of rock and wall and gate;

The world expressed - our saying is our fate.

Thus, speak from deep within of glorious day.

We make the unending world by what we say.

 Free will under the veil is an undertaking that defines our world and ourselves. We created it. We chose it and we choose and choose within its perfect framework, just as I carefully chose each word in that sonnet. We and our works are not perfect, but are always perfectly imperfect, beautifully limited. Enjoy the view from under the veil. And choose well.

The Veil

I mentioned the veil in my last post, made reference to it. As I breathe deeply, I know that more needs be said about this.

I mentioned that the veil is a loving fog of forgetting. It is not a punishment or a test. It is not cruel, although we have thought that it was.

I believe that we ourselves created the veil of forgetting. When you are ALL and choose to know yourself, you must become less than ALL. For we can only know about this in relation to that. It is an intricate dance of knowing and feeling in which we are engaged. We have been engaged in this intricacy for so long that we tend to think that it is all there is. Yet when we take a deep breath and call to the ALL, it makes itself known to us.

Take that deep breath. Invoke the ALL-That-Is into your consciousness. Breathe deeply with it. No words will suffice. It is enough that we feel it. It allows for no words. It is vast. It is silent. It may be felt only dimly by you. Take another breath and stretch your knowing out to ALL. Make no attempt to define it in any way, by any means. ALL cannot be defined.

Compare that to all of our being and doing and knowing. Compare it to all of our daily this and that and the other. Feel the busy back and forth of our world beneath the veil, a world of the mind, of comparisons and relativity, of yes and no and the frustration of maybe, and compare it to the sense of the ALL that is now perceptible when we breathe deeply and call it into our consciousness. It seems almost unbelievable that we would have chosen to experience this up and down, this back and forth, and yes and no. Yet we did. It was not imposed upon us. We chose this.

To feel the exquisitely subtle difference between tastes, textures, sounds and colours - we chose this. To know the richness of experience in this long and complex dance of being and becoming - without any guarantees - we volunteered. To contemplate death - the complete negation of what God is - the perfectly balanced foil to all of our being - that essence of non-being which we call death - to feel it pressing close is to know what all the angels and archangels can never know. And we chose this.

I have a friend, a painter in oils, and I was trying to explain to her why death is so important. Without it, we cannot love as we do with it. Without it, we cannot live as we do knowing its always immanent shadow as our frame. I compared death to the edges of her canvas. Without limits, art becomes impossible. Without death, we could never truly know life.

Perhaps you can begin to feel, as I do, the great gift given to us by this forgetting of who we truly are. Dreading mortality, we explore the essence of eternal being. Experiencing loss, we understand what it is to win, to gain, to triumph. Losing one whom we love, we understand what love truly is. And when we bring the play of choice, of free will and trust into the game, it is enriched even more. 

Under the veil, experiencing all that is to be experienced, we are ALL-That-Is in service to ALL-That-Is. And we are loved in this. We are brave adventurers exploring in the fields of the relative world. When I look around me, sometimes I feel overwhelmed. Often I feel myself to be in love. And I am glad to be here. It's not easy, but it's really something, isn't it? Something to write home about. Something worth exploring. Something worth experiencing.

Be of good courage under the veil.

Mind of God

Slowly, but surely, we become that which we have chosen to be. We embody the qualities that we have sought outside of ourselves. We hold within us the wisdom that we have longed to receive from some distant and unknown place.

As we begin to hold the energy of acceptance within us more consistently and continuously, we become acceptance and offer that energy to the world. It is a gracious energy. It asks nothing, honours everything, flows sweetly into the moment. Compassion too flows more and more freely from us to the world which is our beloved space of being and feeling. Compassion creates a space wherein the other feels allowed to be ALL that she is, ALL that he is. That space is infinite, yet no more than the pause between our in breath and our release of the out breath. That space is silent, yet sings with a tone so sweet and pure that it fills us with peace and well-being. That space contains no words, yet it contains every thought that we have ever had or not had or almost had.

It is a mystery. Until recently it has seemed completely impenetrable in its depth and opacity and swirling paradox. Now, and for these last few years, this space of silent music and total acceptance, of peace beyond all knowing and wisdom beyond all words, has opened itself to us, like a lightening sky at dawn. What was hidden by darkness is now quite clearly visible. And we can, and do, enter into it. We have changed. The world has changed. Our consciousness can now expand to hold the mind of God in moments.

The mind of God is inseparable from the heart of God. And so it is with us. The knowing that encompasses all-that-is is inseparable from the love that makes no distinction between any one thing and any other thing. A haiku poem might be in order right about now. Poetry is my purest response to the energy which I am feeling within and behind these words.

There is no up or

Down to bring me from one place

To another time



Acceptance that sings an always song of unconditional love allows room in us for the compassion and honour of ALL that is God's heart and mind as One. We can, and do, hold this within us. We smile and it dances out from our eyes to the hearts of those whom we encounter. We are this now.

We become that which we have yearned to receive and as we do, we bless each other, ourselves, and all the World.

Angels and Kin on the Other Side of the Veil

We are angels, actually. We are angels in human form.

There are angels on the other side of the veil that separates us, lovingly I might add, from All-That-Is. There are also those who are our kin, our families on the other side. This includes those whom we have known and loved here who have passed over to the other side, but it also includes our soul-stream families who may never have come to Earth, but who love us so much and who wish to serve us in any way that they can.

Angels and kindred spirits seek lovingly to find ways that they can help us. They cannot do any of this for us. They cannot bring us from fear to love. Only we can do that. They cannot solve our problems or provide for our ease and joy. It is up to us to choose, and choose and choose again. Earth is a on-going celebration of free will and the abililty, in fact the inevitability, of choosing for ourselves what we would like to experience. However, those who are on the other side of the veil focusing on us with their love and their appreciation for all the richness of experience that we are living here, would like very much to assist us. They can do this by supporting us with their love, which we can feel if we open ourselves to it. They can do this by sending us insights and understandings, which in any case we have within us, but may not realize we have. They can do this by sending us energy as a vibration. We can receive this energy and use it to enrich and enlighten our experience here on Earth.

However, those on the other side of the veil will not infringe on our free will. It is absolutely sacred to them. Therefore, in order to receive their wisdom, insights, perspectives and energies, we have to ask for them. In this way, our free will is not compromised. We have asked and therefore we can be given to. It is as simple as that.

One of the most profound experiences I have ever had in my journey through time and space on this Earth was asking that I be able to feel the energies of my kin on the other side. This was different than calling my brother's name (after he had passed on). This was my soul-stream family, or star-seed family, which I chose to feel and know (the words are inadequate when describing and naming those on the other side - they are much more than words can convey and I use words only because there's no real alternative).

Almost immediately after I had made this request they were there. Where? I have no idea. They were right beside me, but in another dimension, I guess. The love that I felt from them was so strong. It seemed absolutely unshakeable, unbreakable, unconditional and total. It felt strong and pure and unlike any other experience of love that I had ever known, and yet, it was love. Of that I am sure.

I am equally sure that a similar experience is available to you, if you choose it and name it as your choice and intention.

They will come.

It's like being loved by angels, I guess. It's like an etheric hug. It's empowering, enriching of our life experience, and unbelievably comforting.

If you choose to call upon them, or upon the angels who are waiting with infinite patience for your appeal to them, you will feel the energy that they send out to you. Just make the request and open yourself to receive. By doing so, you bring great joy to those on the other side who await our requests, knowing that they cannot come close to us until the request is made, wanting to show us their love and appreciation for us, yet always honouring our free will and our sovereignty as we progress moment by moment here on our beloved Earth.

Call to the angels, to those who are your family since before time. Ask to feel their presence, to know their wisdom and to be comforted by their love. You deserve all that they have to give you.

Enjoy!

The Truth About Who We Are and What We Are Doing

I was doing yoga this morning and remembered a woman I used to think of as a friend. She taught yoga and I took her yoga class for beginners. I've been a beginner for twenty years. (smile)

I remembered an incident that stuck with me because it seemed so unnecessary. We were in the downward dog posture and I and another woman both expressed our satisfaction with the fact that we were able to stretch our legs thoroughly and touch our heels to the mat. The teacher said something dismissive, I can't remember what it was exactly, but I remember the feeling of it. It pushed aside our sense of accomplishment and our enjoyment of our bodies and told us of what we had still to learn and accomplish. It was a strange thing for a teacher to say. That was why I remembered it. Why not encourage your students and celebrate their accomplishments? I thought that was what teachers usually did.

Remembering this incident, I said to myself, "That's when I came to know who she really is." And then immediately I corrected myself. "No. Not who she is. The energy that she was putting out."

And it felt like a very important distinction. When, instead of encouraging us, she dismissed our expression of accomplishment, she put an energy out into the room which was disctinctly unpleasant. Soon after that incident I stopped going to her yoga classes. I stopped thinking of her as someone whom I wanted to spend time with. But it wasn't who she is that I objected to. It was what she was doing. It was the energy that she was expressing that I chose not to expose myself to. I could no more object to who she is than I could object to All-That-Is in its purest being. For that is what she is. That is who she is.

In truth, we are pure love. Take a breath, please, and feel it. Feel your core.

We are eternal  and holographically infinite particles of God being in the World. That is what we are. That is who we are. Pure love. God in the World. There is nothing that we are that is not love. There is nothing that we are being or have ever been that is not God in the World.

But as for the energy that we express, or radiate, that is a very different story. And in each moment, we can and often do change the energy that we are radiating. Anger. Fear. Sadness. Love. Happiness. Appreciation. Sincerity. Anxiety. Need. Frustration. These are only a few of the multitude of shades, hues, tones, feelings, vibrations that we are radiating, expressing, putting out there. And anyone, friend or stranger or foe, in proximity to us, will feel what we are expressing.

Oh. Consider that for a moment. And then, when I say, "We make the world..." It carries a slightly different feel to it now, doesn't it.

Physicists now know that the world around us is comprised of energy. We are comprised of energy. We radiate energy. We change the world. All the time. Constantly. Without even knowing that we are doing so.

Imagine the world as you would like it to be. Just imagine it. For a moment. .......    ..........

..........

Peaceful?

Happy shiny people all over the place?   

Sharing?

Love?

I see hands clasped all around the world. I see a conscious choice for co-operation and peaceful coexistence. In my world..... people gladly share.

In my world..... there is a great deal of laughter and love.

In my world..... there are no enemies.

So, in your world, what do you choose to see? And if that is what you choose to see, why not put it out there now? In your energy.

If it's truth you choose, put truth out there. If it's peace you choose, put peace out there. Simple.

We are God's love and God's light in a world of sacred free choice and we are constantly making a choice about the energy that we radiate. We do this consciously or unconsciously. I choose to do it consciously, as much as I am able.

I choose joy. I choose playfulness. I choose honour for all whom I encounter. I choose love for All That Is.

What, may I ask, do you choose?

Multi-Dimensionality

Perhaps you can feel it as I do.

Have you ever looked up to the clouds, as they moved slowly, grey-blue and yellow-white, and suddenly felt as if you were among them? Floating as they? Large and largely weightless as they?

One day, while I was in that wonderfully relaxed and dream-like state that comes over one several days into a vacation, I looked at a day lily and was suddenly within its cells. I was as orange as all of the other cells in the petal of the day lily. I held all of the characteristics of the other cells. It lasted only an instant, but the memory of it has stayed with me.

A similar experience came to me when I was driving the familiar route from Pennsylvania to southern Quebec. I decided to leave the interstate highway, with its four lanes and its distance from the surrounding landscape. I drove route 11 through the northernmost counties of upstate New York, just south of the Saint Lawrence River, heading roughly east toward Vermont. The day was blue, white and gold. Full winter surrounded me and the sunlight, though bright, was low. It was early enough in the season for autumn's golden grasses to still show through the fresh snow. The low sun set these grasses in a frame of golden light and I was steeped in this beauty as I drove the rural two-lane road, empty in front of my car. Suddenly, I was a snow flake swept by the light wind off of a tree branch and onto the small drifts below. I was a crow, winging black from bare branch to piney summit. I was the grasses, golden and alight as the short day waned. I became inseperable from the landscape which enclosed me. My consciousness vast and intimate. All was as much a part of me as I was a part of All. 

Did I simply imagine these things?

Does it matter? Or is our imagination another aspect of our consciousness?

After my brother died by suicide, I spoke with him, comforting him and assuring him that he was loved. Or did I imagine comforting him? Does it matter? I can assure you that the love was real. Does love only exist in this three dimensional reality, or is it beyond the supposed constraints of space and time?

I believe that we are multi-dimensional. I believe that the experiences I've shared with you in this post were multi-dimensional experiences. I am not only my body. I am not only my body's senses of sight, sound, taste, smell and touch. I am something vast and ineffable, something that cannot be grasped by our physical senses, and can only dimly be grasped by our imaginations. I am a consciousness capable of moving through time and space multi-dimensionally. And so are you.

So, I invite you to celebrate your imagination and your mind's wanderings. I invite you to pay attention to these and to take a little time here and there to sit and let your consciousness explore outward and inward. Turn off the television and the stereo, unless these be background accompaniment to your wanderings. You will 'go multi-dimensional' if you allow yourself to. You'll transport yourself back into your past, perhaps into a future or an alternate potential for the present. You might speak with a loved one who has left this earthly realm, or explore the intricacies of the cells of a pine needle or a rose petal.

You will do these things not so much with your mind, as with your consciousness, which makes use of the mind's abilities to label, catalogue and compare, but goes far beyond the mind in its delighted exploration of the vast mysteries that surround us. Consciousness can joyfully contemplate the paradox inherent in such wanderings. The mind cannot. If you struggle with paradox, you are in your mind. If you can accept paradox and move freely within it, you are experiencing consciousness unconstricted by mind's limitations.

I went far one day, away from our Earth and its human beings, its consciousness. Away from its solidity, its weight and mass. I went up and up and then off to the left and up some more. I passed through a region filled with light and dark struggling with each other in limitless ways - the fourth dimension is what I called it, but I can't be sure and the names really don't matter much. I then passed through a region filled with beings of light and of service to Earth. It was very pleasant there. There was a great deal of activity, but all of it was being undertaken with care and great love. I called this the fifth dimension. It seemed a bit too busy there for me, so I went further. Further out.

I came to a place where there was a great love that filled every thing and every moment. There was a great honouring of All to All in this region. The beings there moved very very slowly, imbuing each action with infinite care and consideration. There seemed to be barely any movement there at all - no activity to speak of. Yet I felt seen, recognized and lovingly greeted. I found that this region called to me and felt to me like Home. My third eye chakra hummed and felt heavy. I did not want to leave that place. I felt so settled there. I called it the sixth dimension. Yet again, I do not know if that is what it is and the words don't really matter.

Eventually, I realized that I had to pull myself out of there and come back, otherwise I would somehow remain in that peace and quiet and love beyond time's reckonings. I reluctantly pulled myself back throught the layers, through the regions, in increasing intensity of activity and movement until I was back in my chair, in my body. I felt incredibly calm. Unbelievably calm. I knew a great peace, and I have known it ever since.

I tell you of this journey to impress upon you the truth that we - we little human being selves - are in control of this multi-dimensionality. We choose when and where we will wander and how we will return to the smaller consciousness with which we are so familiar. There is no need for fear or trepidation, for we do this. It is not done to us.

Bon voyage!

Letting Go in the Moment

I ask for your patience as I introduce this post with an excerpt of a journal entry from January of 2009. It will bring some context to what I am presenting here.

"I watched a long interview by Amy Goodman (Democracy Now - The War and Peace Report at democracynow.org) of Robert Redford and I was struck by just how reasonable he is, how rational, calm and creative. He mentioned Fox News and the Republican movement and even when he mentioned these, there was just such a calmness in his being as perfect foil for these others. I am amazed by the shrill noise some make, the panic and fear mongering and wringing of hands. In this interview, Robert Redford reminded me of what we all could sound like, the energy we all could put out there."

What was it that Robert Redford embodied for me that day? Acceptance of what is. Clarity regarding our own choices for our world. Honouring of the choices others make, even when we don't understand them or agree with them.

I call this "letting go" because it asks of us that we let go of dualistic notions about the world, that this one thing is right and this other thing is wrong. That this one thing is of the light and this other thing is of the darkness. That one action comes from love and another comes from hatred. In reality, love is all there is. Light and darkness love and serve each other in a mutual embrace and appreciation of each other's being. Right and wrong will always be relative terms, and no one ever does anything unless they find a way to justify it to themselves as being the right thing to do in that moment.

Letting go of duality is huge. It is a very big step for any of us to make. Ultimately, in our quest to know God, if such is our quest, it is a necessary step. For in God exist all things. God is the totality of All That Is embraced and held in love.

So, if you choose to feel the love of God, you must let go of judgements, of labels that qualify this in relation to that as better or worse.... Everything that is.... is God. Every person is divine on this Earth. Every action, every opinion, is perfect in its imperfection. And the acceptance, no.... go even further..... the appreciation for all that you encounter, the loving act of letting go of right and wrong in your regard for all the world, is what will take you into the heart and the love energy of Creator and Creation.

Blue Wood Aster (Aster cordifolius)

So, the example that I use is a dump truck. You see, I was walking in the forest and came to a lovely meadow. And at the forest's edge, where the meadow becomes the woodland, grew a Blue Wood Aster. It was so delicate and beautiful! And I loved it. I loved its beauty with all my heart. And I gave it all of my love and appreciation. And as I continued to walk, I was filled with this love and appreciation. And it began to spread to everything around me. So, a decomposing tree stump was suddenly so perfect in my sight. The richness of its browns and the depth of its decay entranced me. And the plants and trees and the path through the forest.... these were all so perfect in their being! I was filled with love. Then I got to the parking lot where I had left my car and the gravel and the smooth shine of the car's body were both equally beautiful and perfect to me. And I wondered how far this would go. Where would this love take me? And then a big, noisy, dirty, yucky dump truck went by on the narrow road and it was so loud and sort of grindingly intrusive.... And it stopped at the stop sign nearby and.... It was perfect. It was God. I loved that dump truck! Oh! It was perfectly being a dump truck! And it was World. You see. World..... God expressed. Is there any one part of this creation that you would deny?

You may have read my post about accepting and, ultimately, loving all of ourselves and the importance of that. This letting go of all judgements is the other big step that we have to take. All that is, is Perfect Whole Being. All that is is God. And you can feel this in your consciousness. It might feel foreign. It might feel like coming home. It is integral to the experience of the divine in the world and in yourself. There is nothing that is not God. If something seems to you as if it shouldn't be here, you deny a part of what is God-expressed in this sacred three dimensional realm that we call Earth.

It's hard. It's really hard when we look at things like starvation and torture, cruelty and hatred and prejudice. Yet God is three hundred and sixty degrees of beingness. All That Is. And so are we. So there is joy and pain, loss and gain, and acts of incredible selflessness and acts of incredible cruelty and selfishness and all are a part of this sacred dance of becoming and knowing and feeling that we are engaged in.

Letting go in the moment means accepting the existence of all that is. This is an act of incredible courage and love. It requires a level of trust that may seem unattainable. I can assure you that it is attainable and that it will change your experience of this world.

All is well in all of creation. Let go of all judgements. Allow duality to fall away. Accept and appreciate All-That-Is.

Deep Cleansing in the Moment

I invite you to join with me now in a process of very deep cleansing of self in the world. It goes beyond the physical, beyond the body and into our etheric bodies and the spaces between the molecules in our cells.

It helps greatly, while doing this, to hear the sound of running water. I like to sit by the side of a rock and pepple stream, the water rushing and laughing down and past the spot where I sit, gurgling and pooling and then splashing over rocks to rush away further and further, yet always replaced by more water in a perfect and never-ending flow.

If you can't find a stream or creek by which to sit, you can sit by a fountain in a park, or in your own home listening to the rain fall outside your window, or with the water running into your bathtub slowly, while you soak in its soft warmth as it deepens around you.

Water is filled with joy. Did you know that? It is the most joyful substance on this planet. It loves us so much! It always reflects back to us exactly what we are sending out to the world. It takes into itself whatever we give it. It moves constantly, even when it seems to be still. It transmutes itself into water vapour and then back into cool grey drops of rain. It caresses the Earth, which is its beloved one, as it blankets the world in the form of snow. It graces the land in the form of ponds, lakes and rivers. It enlivens everything in the world that it touches.

This cleansing process is facilitated by water, but it is water's properties, rather than the water itself, that cleanses us. As you sit and relax in a comfortable position, you can close your eyes and imagine the rushing water around you. Hear it and see it with your mind's eye, glinting silvery in the light, flashing white froth and grey-green slide and rushing, rushing, rushing in a continuous shshshshshhshshshshhshshsh that surrounds you. 

Allow the imaginary water to move through your energetic body, to flow lovingly through your etheric body, your auric field, your spaces within. Allow the spaces between all of your words to be washed clean by the flow, the divine and perfect flow, of the water. Rushing, rrrrrruuuuuusshshshshhshshshshhshsing. Rushing. Rushing. Rushing. Rushing. Shhshshshhshshshhshshshs.

Feel your mind cleansed by the rushing water. Feel your cells cleansed and rejuvenated as the spaces between all the molecules are cleansed by the water's rush through. Most of what we are as physical beings is empty space. This space is filled with joy as it is cleansed and purified by the rush, rush of the water.

Feel yourself to be washed clean in ways that you never could have imagined until now, until this very moment, as the imaginary water rushes through and touches you in the places and spaces behind and beside and above body. You are so much more than your body. You are so much more than your molecules. And that, that muchness, that vast limitless energetic beingness that is you, is washed and cleansed and bathed and touched by the loving light-filled silvery bright water conjured through your own imagination.

Here is a poem about the water pictured above. I call that place Eckada - Place of Perfect Beauty. It is in Chester County, Pennsylvania. I waded in the water and wrote the poem.

Eckada – Place of Perfect Beauty – Wading

Wading into the stream of green and black and light and slow,

Eyes closed, heart stop – full stop – opened,

Blessed being. Tender.

Wading feels full, feels muscled and strong,

With large movements made very slowly in the no-time of always Now,

The flow pushing and the push back, only to further experience it, not in opposition.

A near-silent expansive breath of still air above streaming flow,

Above being of rock and sand,

Above water’s slender grace and reflection of Yes,

Above air bubbles and their sweet laughter,

The line between self and world, a delicious love-line of unending joy, stretches           

From

Forehead

To infinite space

Around and above the One in the dark stream wading.

 

Moving in the Moment

I spent most of the weekend at a workshop on Peaceful Communication, facilitated by Melanie Whitham. The workshop was held in a lovely space called the Sutton Yoga Center. A large room with big windows and soft carpeting overlooks the Sutton Valley and seems to hold peace and compassion in its very walls.

I was delighted to see that half of the workshop participants were men. Most often, up until now, I have seen women at such gatherings. These men were open minded, open hearted, openly loving toward their fellow participants and toward the women in their lives. They greeted each other with warm hugs and gestures of esteem and respect toward each other. One by one, they greeted me with gestures and words of great respect. I felt so honoured, such as I have not felt before in my life, except by those who dwell beyond the veil. The divine presence in these workshop participants, men and women, was similar to the divine presence that I have felt from the one whom I call Yeshua Sananda.

I am used to meeting women who are open minded, open hearted, wise and loving. I am not used to meeting men who manifest these qualities. It fills me with joy and hope to see this. It gladdens me to think that we women will be able to enjoy the companionship of men such as these as we move forward into a new era on our beloved Earth.

The workshop was based on the teachings of Marshall Rosenberg. It invited us remember an experience that was troubling to us and then to practice communicating our observations, our feelings and our needs in language that centers the experience within the self rather than outside of it.

For example, my brother-in-law interrupted me as I was speaking. That is the essence of what happened. It was very simple. He interrupted me. How did I feel? Well, I felt angry! Upon reflection, I realize that my need for respect was not met in that moment.

The teachings of Marshall Rosenberg invite us to formulate a request based upon our understanding of our needs which are not being met by a situation or a person. We can make the request of that person, of another person - perhaps we need to be heard, but we understand that the person we originally sought to express ourselves to is not able to hear us as we choose to be heard, so we go elsewhere, or we can make the request of ourselves. I make the request of myself that I seek the level of respect that I need from people other than my brother-in-law, for in all the time that I have known him, I have not felt that level of respect from him. Perhaps he never learned to give it, having never received it. I no longer feel angry. I take responsibility for the fulfillment of my needs. I look elsewhere and am given the respect that I anticipate.

We worked a lot with words and with the energy of our hearts throughout the day on Saturday and then again on Sunday morning. We did an exercise in empathic, or compassionate, listening. You may recall my post on listening. Oh! I so enjoyed that exercise! I was given the opportunity to listen to the expressions of another divine human being with all of my self, in full point of presence. After I had done so, and had asked a good question which brought my partner to a new point of clarity within himself, I was given the experience of being heard as I spoke of what was in my heart.

All of this was wonderful but it was a lot of words! As often happens to me at such times, my third eye area began to hum and to feel very heavy. I can't describe it very well, but it feels huge and too full. That is when I need to remove myself, to spend time alone in Nature, to allow the energies stored there in my third eye area to be cleansed and moved. So, it is probably a good thing that I had to leave the workshop early. I didn't want to be late for my own offering to the community - Dancing in the Moment!

It was not at all easy to leave the beautiful energies and people at the workshop at Sutton Yoga Center, but I could not disappoint those who expected me to be at the Sunshine Center for the dancing. It took me about three minutes to drive from one blessed place to the next. The energy was different. The colours were different. The lighting was different. I took five minutes to eat a little something and wash it down with water. Then I was ready!

The dancing was facilitated by Ilia Kavoukis. She chose great music, which flowed out of her laptop computer and into the sound amplification system in the dance and yoga studio in the Sunshine Center. Initially there were three of us, then another person came and then another with her young daughter. So in the fullness of the dancing there were six of us, all female. It was marvelous! We all felt so free! Gone were all of the words and the heavy energies that had been filling my third eye chakra started to flow through the movements of my body and out of me. (It might seem strange that I choose the word heavy to describe energies such as love, honour and compassion, yet even these become a bit of a burden to me after prolonged immersion in them. I am one who has the need to spend a lot of time in solitude because I hold so much of the energy of other human beings in my third eye area - this gives me strong intuitive sense when I converse with another and I wouldn't change that for anything, for it is a large part of the service that I offer from the center of myself to the world - yet it means that I must take time to be on my own every day.)

To transition from such a deep focus on words and feelings conveyed and shared, to a focus on free movement of the body gave me a clear sense of the importance of moving in the moment. Most of the time, we are using words. We read, write, type, speak and think, think, think. When I began to dance to the music that Ilia had ready for us, it was just such a relief! Then it became a healing and renewing of all of the energy centers of my body. Then it became an expression of joy in simply being in my body. How often do we do that?!

Finally, after I had freely expressed my essence in the moment through the dancing and the sheer luxury of feeling free to move in any way I chose, I began to turn toward the other people in the room with me and to enjoy their energy. I was so glad to see their gladness. I was so enheartened to see how much they seemed to be enjoying themselves. At the very end of the dancing, which lasted for just over an hour, we danced with partners, enjoining our energies playfully, and then all together in a tight circle, taking turns being the one in the center of the group - being fed energies of appreciation and complete acceptance of self by the others. It is through the creation of experiences such as this that we begin to create heaven on Earth for ourselves.

Never underestimate the benefits of moving freely and joyfully in the moment. Move your body. Move your hands and arms, your torso, your legs and feet. Put some music on the sound system and dance in your living room. It is a wonderful expression of self in the moment because it is not words, but body's movement that is being engaged. Love comes through such activity. Love of self. Love of body. Love of music. Love of being.

Blessings of movement in the moment be yours.

Sovereignty

I mentioned this word yesterday, as I wrote of compassion. It is a word that can mean different things to different people, so I thought that I would write about this today. Sovereignty has meant a great deal to me over the years. I wonder what it means to you.

My dad's old Oxford Dictionary defines sovereignty in the political sense and uses the word 'supremacy' which implies domination and power over others. I do not use the word sovereignty in this way. I read something years ago, a feminist Goddess-worship inspired use of the word sovereignty which basically said that sovereignty loves both self and world, and holds both as sacred. Sovereignty looks to the health and wholeness of both land and those who dwell upon the land. In this use of the word, control is replaced by responsibility and ownership is a loving service of stewardship.

I am sovereign. I own my body and my consciousness, my ideas and my problems.... I take full ownership and control of all that is my life and all that comprises the place where I stand - both the actual place and the infinite complexities that make up my situation.

For me, the word sovereignty, when used in this way, brings to my mind's eye an image of one standing tall and strong, standing in full I AM ownership of self and situation, standing in courage and responsibility.

"Dun-da-da DAH!"

I AM WOMAN!

Okay, okay. I'll settle down.

I've known for many many years that responsibility is the prerequisite for personal freedom, not its antithesis. By taking responsibility for our own experience we free ourselves. By holding ourselves in sovereignty, supreme in our own lives, we experience true freedom and true creatorship of our experiences. There have been people of my acquaintance who seemed to believe that freedom meant not having any responsibilities. For me, that was nonsense and I was called stodgy and unwilling to take a risk. "Just live for the moment! Hit the road! Just do whatever you want whenever you want to do it!" Needless to say, those words were spoken some years ago - back in the 1970's and early 1980's.

But, you know, it's worth bringing up these ideas about freedom and living in the moment, because this blog is all about that. And sovereignty, ownership and responsibility are key. Living in the moment does not mean that the dishes don't get done. It means that while you are doing the dishes, you are fully present in the doing of them, in total acceptance of the moment in which you find yourself. It is from this point of presence that we experience the divine I AM in the moment.

Sovereignty takes that deep breath and proclaims its ownership of the experience. It is an indwelling, a gathering of self's wayward strands into a cohesive whole. It is a centering of the self in the self. And mark my words well now. When you do this, you will be the supreme creator of your experience of being on this Earth. All That Is will hear you when you speak. All That Is will have no choice but to honour your choosing. As sovereign of your Self, you will be the conscious creator of your experience. It can be no other way.

You have to feel it. Words are not enough to generate the sense of it. So take a deep breath, and straighten your spine. Then proclaim youself as sovereign. And feel the difference in your energy.

"Dun-da-da DAH!"



 

Compassion

Take a deep breath.

Feel your sovereignty, your ownership of your selfhood. Feel the truth that is YOU. Feel your freedom to BE who you are, to feel, to know, to experience.

Compassion gives this to others.

It does not heal. It does not mourn. It does not pity. It does not attempt in any way to change the situation for the person.

It honours the experience of the other, meets the other exactly where they are and says, "Okay. This is what you have chosen and created for yourself. I honour your choices. I honour your path. I celebrate your being exactly as you are. I do not judge. I do not label. I do not seek to have you be changed in any way. I accept you. I totally accept you and your experience. I know that they are yours. They belong to you. Your life. Your selfhood. Your experiences and the labels that you choose to assign to them."

And then it goes further.

Take a deep breath.

It goes further and says, "I trust that what you have chosen and have experienced are perfect for you. I trust that you are in perfect alignment with your soul's purpose and path. I trust and appreciate your choices for yourself. I trust that you can bring to yourself anything that you choose. You can bring yourself healing. You can bring yourself closure. You can bring yourself salvation. You can bring yourself joy. You can bring yourself enlightenment and wisdom."

And then it goes further.

Take another deep breath.

It goes even further and says, "I too am that and so I do not feed from you. I do not take your energy even though I resonate with it. I do not cast a shadow upon your light, for I shine alongside of you. I see your light and I shine in resonance with it. I invite your highest potentials to dance within your consciousness. I know that my potentials are not yours. Yet, I create a space, through my trust in you and my belief in you, for your highest potentials to shine. I hold that space in service to you. I reflect your light back to you as I hold that space."

And then it goes just a little bit further. Take a lovely deep breath.

It goes just a little bit further and says, "I love myself so much! I love everything about myself. That is why I have no need for any love from you, although I feel the love flowing from the part of you that is of God. I love myself as I am. I love you as you are. You are Perfect-Whole-Being just the way you are right now. Are you flawed? Seemingly incomplete? Wounded? Suffering? Are you fearful? Are you confused? Are you attacking? Defensive? Demanding? No matter. I love you as you are."

This is what I mean when I use the word compassion.

I am practicing compassion. It's not easy. But I choose to do it anyway. You might be tempted to ask why....

I'll tell you why!

I can't seem to be any other way.

I love. I love. And this is the way of true love.

Time's Imperatives

I've been a bit too busy over the past few days to write here.

I'm still a bit too busy, but I'm writing here anyway. (smile)

I love writing here.

This is what I have to say about time. There is enough time for us when we feel our way into it. It requires of us that we enter into a timeless state for just a moment. Breathe deeply and feel yourself enter into that timelessness. Once there, we breathe and feel our truth and our flow in the moment. We go from one activity or task to another. We act and react in the course of the day. We flow through time.

There are blocks to this if we are not mindful.

If we lean too far forward into time, anticipating a lack, anticipating a need to rush and hurry, worrying about not having enough time, we will experience these. We will experience need, rush, hurry, not having enough.

If we stop doing that (breathing helps immeasurably with this) and enter into that timeless space, we free ourselves from time's imperatives. They are, in any case, an illusion. We replace them with an inner knowing of the best way forward through our day's demands. We listen to our inner selves and they tell us quite clearly what we will do next. While doing any one thing, we focus fully on that. When we have finished working on that, we again feel into what the next experience and activity will be. This is working with the flow of time and our inner knowing. If we move into a feeling of lack of time, we lose this flow. Stop. Breathe. Reclaim it as your experience of the day. Move on.

When I am in the flow, my day's work is effortless. I get a tremendous amount of stuff done, but not necessarily in the order in which my mind would have organized it. And strangely, I don't feel like I'm working, even when I am. I'm just being. And it's joyful.

So, you'll know you're there by the feel of it. There's no rush, nor is there any desire or need to rest or stop. It feels like just being, yet all kinds of things are getting done. You can, later, have lots of fun checking everything off on your to-do lists. You will have accomplished quite a lot. But strangely, you will also have had an awesome conversation with your friend on the telephone, or read an amazing email that touched you deeply, or watched the sun turn the autumn leaves into a dream of red and orange and gold - not even something of Earth, but something beyond our conception of how beautiful Earth can be.... You will have done and experienced these things, and all the have-to's.

Cool, eh?

Wasn't it Paul Simon who wrote a song with the line, "Have a good time..."

Have a good flow through time, my friends. It begins when you take just that moment to breathe deeply and step out into timelessness for an instant. Feel your center. Feel where you will put your energy next, and then take that sacred step into the divine flow of moments.

No Where That I Have to Get To

Standing poised with inexpressible beauty, grace and Presence in the moment, is a completeness of Being. It springs joyfully and effortlessly out of acceptance of ALL-That-Is. It holds a truth in its presence in the moment. The truth is this: "There is nowhere that I have to get to, nothing that I have to do to affirm, validate, protect or secure myself. I AM."

And this Being is perfect within itself. Sovereign.

All of my life up until about one year ago, I experienced the weariness of needing to get somewhere else. I'm not talking about choosing to go. I'm talking about searching and struggling to find that something that would satisfy my need. I would find security, comfort, love and joy. I would find glowing happiness, yet inevitably, the glow would fade and I would feel the need to move on, to travel further down the road of Life and make and do and BE in the hopes of recapturing those feelings of completion and joy. Find them I would, for life is good, yet then again would come the slow fading of happiness and love and light and the slide into need and lack. Sometimes despair would weigh me down. Always I faced the seemingly endless journey through time, through days and miles, weather and world-views. The only end that seemed to present itself to me, was inevitable death at some distant, or not so distant point in the future.

There is no place to which I must go. There is no self that I must become. There is nothing that I need to do to justify my being here now. I don't have to save anyone, change anything, heal the world....

And neither do you.

Acceptance of my sovereignty, my essential perfection of Self Being in the moment, assumes the same is true of you and so, of every single one of us. There is no path which is not a perfect path for the one who walks it. There is no addiction or illness or disability which is not perfect in its jagged edges and rough pull and push for the one to whom it seems the whole of their life is wrapped in it. It is theirs. It is for them. It is as it should be.

This level of acceptance is not of the mind. If you try to reason it out and figure how maybe, twenty years from now, the fact that this guy is addicted to crack cocaine is really going to turn out to be a good thing.... You'll trip yourself up. Which is, of course, perfect.  (ironic chuckle)

There is no place that you need to get to. So, what then? Where is our dance?

Ah. Good question.

I'm not going to answer that question for you. Only you can provide the answer to that question for yourself. I'm not even going to answer that question for myself here today. I'm going to leave us with this rather cliff-edge like uncertainty.

You know, I really like walking through the forest. Sometimes, I would much rather be walking on a path. It's easier! You just walk and the path shows you the way forward. You don't have to think about it. You don't have to choose. But sometimes, I actually prefer to bushwack. Just set out in any direction and see what comes my way. Yes, there is a feeling of being faced with an almost too expansive emptiness.... But it's fun! And sometimes, I find really lovely spots -  mossy clearings, laughingly rocky stream beds, huge old trees that speak of a century or more of growth and being....

There is no where that we have to go. Will we then remain still?

I think not. 

Being All That We Are

I said that I would describe the upcoming drama game activity which is part of my In the Moment series of activities offered at Sutton Village's Sunshine Center. I intend to do that now.

This activity invites particpants to explore the potential roles that they might wish to play, selves that they might wish to become, or personality traits that they have deemed unsuitable, yet which still call to them on some level. We are always much more than we are manifesting through our bodies in any given moment. We are everything that we have ever been, everything that we might have been, everything that we have rejected in ourselves or in others.

Now this is serious business, this Being Who We Are in the World, but sometimes giving ourselves the opportunity to play with these roles and personalities is a very good idea. For one thing, it allows us to become more conscious of our choices - what we have taken into ourselves and become, and what we have discarded. For another thing, it helps us immeasurably to realize the essentially fluid and ever-changing nature of our personalities. We are always capable of change - throughout our lives. No matter how old we are, or how 'locked in' we seem to be, we can remake ourselves. For we are only the sum total of what we have chosen to be.

So this activity invites us to play with roles and personality traits - putting them on and taking them off again the way we would try on jackets or hats.

It is called 'Trunk Theatre' and this is how it works.

Ideally, there is a large trunk, or box, in a corner of the room containing items such as scarves, hats, umbrellas and other simple props to help us to assume characters that we create in our imagination.

There is a clearly visible line running across the room on the floor. This line divides the room into two parts. On one side of the line is the audience - those who are not currently acting out a part of their own creation. On the other side of the line are the players - those who have stepped across the line to become someone or something that is an exploration of their own potentials.

These are the rules. They are very simple.
1) You may step across the line to become a player at any time.
2) As a player, you must interact in keeping with your character with the other players who are there.
3) You may step across the line to stop being a player at any time.

The scene is not necessarily set. That is to say, the players may set the scene themselves. One may declare that the train is running very late. So, we are in a train station. Another may say that the service at this restaurant is slow today. We are in a restaurant. The scene can shift suddenly and unpredictably. Absurdities can become apparent. A sense of humour and the ability to move flexibly into new scenes and realities is almost always necessary. Needless to say, this activity stretches our comfort zones into broader outlines than those we normally surround ourselves with. (Such fun!)

The idea is to play. Play with being this self or that self. Play with other people's beings. Play with conventions and 'normal' behaviours. Play with the outrageous and the forbidden. Play with your own sense of your limits.

The space is, of necessity, a safe one. All is allowed and accepted here. All participants are always honoured. Everyone is expected to participate as a player at some point in the activity, for we are all players in this game of life. None of us get to be only spectators. That would be too boring anyway, wouldn't it?

I'll see you on Sunday, if you choose to come along. If you live too far away to join us, why not consider doing something similar in your neck of the woods?

Choosing to Be Here

I have a confession to make.

When I was a child and was angry with my mother or father for denying me something I thought I should have rights to, I would lash out with words to wound, saying, "I didn't ask to be born!"

Did you also say those words at some point in your life, perhaps when you were a child, or when it all seemed overwhelmingly challenging?

And what is the truth? Did you ask to be born? What do you believe to be the true response to this question?

I believe that we did ask to be born, all of us. I believe that our free will is deeply and consistently honoured in ALL of creation. I believe that our being here in three dimensional reality, held in the weighty hands of Earth's gravitational pull, veiled from the ALL-That-Is by our own soul-self's choosing, is an entirely honourable thing. Something worthy of note, of recognition. Something requiring courage beyond all reckoning. For this has not been an easy thing, this Being in the world. And yet, we did choose it.

How often do you affirm your being in the world, being alive, being in a body that breathes and moves, and aches and sometimes falls short of your expectations.... Have you ever said, out loud, "I choose this! I choose to be alive!"

How often do you love your three dimensional oh-so-physical body? Not the etheric body, the energetic body, the mind, the emotional body.... No, not those. The mind especially tends to receive quite a lot of our positive attention. No, I'm talking about the body. The legs, butt, stomach and chest. The elbows and upper arms. The jawline. The hair on your head. How often do you marvel at all the richness of experience that is yours through your being in a body?

When I was in my early twenties, I almost died one day. Quite the experience.
I was walking cross-country in early December. It was the first really nice hard cold snap. The water was frozen and snow covered the ground. I considered that to be a perfectly acceptable invitation to explore a terrain with which I was unfamiliar. I took a bush-whacker's route from the small dirt road back around to the farm where I was living. I knew I'd have to cross some water to get back, but I thought it was an open area, with maybe 6 inches of water on it - shallow water like that would be frozen solid enough for me to walk on - and a ditch, which I could leap across if need be. It turned out to be a creek - 4 feet deep, twenty feet wide, and covered with a thin layer of ice which deceived me completely.
I was submerged to the top of my chest in icy cold water and the ice kept on breaking under me as I tried to climb out. I was alone and terrified. My lower body was completely numb. Sweat was pouring off of my head and face, making it hard for me to see. My hands were turning blue. My mittens lost under the water. I tried four times to crawl out onto the ice. I fell through each time. I became weaker and more terrified with each passing minute. I looked up at the cold blue sky and knew somehow that there was a complete indifference in it. The sky would not help me. The trees and bushes were too far away. The freezing cold water was pulling me down. I realized very clearly that I was fighting for my life. And for a moment, I contemplated not fighting. I considered how it might just be better, certainly easier, to just go under and end the fear and the pain of seeing my too-small hands blue and frozen on the ice.
But I shook that off. I don't know why I did, but that was the choice I made. I tried one last time to crawl out and this time I moved so slowly and carefully that I could barely maintain it. Yet I had to. I knew, somehow, that this was my last chance.
My legs were completely gone - that is to say, they were so numb that I couldn't tell if they were attached still to my body or not. Only the weight of them on my arms as I pulled myself along let me know that I was whole. I lay flat on the thin ice and moved ever so slowly along its surface for about ten feet. Then, and only then, when I could tell that the ice was thicker, I got onto my knees and moved more quickly. I couldn't feel my knees, but the muscles did obey, did carry me toward the trees and higher ground.
I reached the first tree, the first rock showing through the snow and tried to stand up. I couldn't. Something was blocking me. I tried again. And again in growing panic, still too far from the house and people who could help me. I had made it out of the water. Would I end here unable to go any further?
I looked down to see if I could do something about the block to my standing. To my horror, I saw that what was stopping me from standing was a piece of fallen wood, a branch from a tree, that was jutting into my thigh. My body was so numb that I hadn't even felt it. It didn't break the skin, but bruised the area terribly.
I realized that I wasn't out of danger yet. Hypothermia was setting in. I could barely think straight. And my hands were in danger of severe frost bite. So, I blew on my hands and put them into the only dry part of my clothing, which was the neckline of my jacket. I also moved my legs, forcing the knees to bend and lift. Then I started to walk toward the farmhouse. As my body began to warm from the movement, I was able to break into a strange shuffling run. Needless to say, I made it.
I was stripped and bundled into blankets and the fire was built up to a dangerously high level in the wood stove. Later, I was given a bath in warm, then hot water. By bedtime I was out of danger. I've not stepped out onto ice covered water since that day.

The reason I told you this story is because, frankly, it's a good story. But also because of that moment in the middle of my ordeal, when I realized that it was up to me. My life, its continuance or its ending, was entirely my undertaking. That was a profound realization for me.

Since then, I have been through many episodes of debilitating depression and entertained countless thoughts of suicide and of the ending of this life, this being in a body. I always knew, beyond the depression's hold on me, that I would stay; I wouldn't allow myself to be the cause of suffering for my family. In 1996, my younger brother took his life. That didn't change my feeling about being here. If anything it confirmed it.

We can end our lives. Not doing so is, for me, an act of incredible courage. And I began to notice, more and more, the quiet perseverance and dignity of those of us who suffer and yet, live on, choosing over and over again to say, "Yes," to the experiences that await us. And we all have suffered, each in our own way. We all have met challenges that seemed insurmountable.

But to choose LIFE! To lie in your bed in the morning and say, "Yes! I love it! I love the day and I love the night. I love the hunger and the plate of food before me. I love the pull of my muscles as I climb the hill and the delicious feeling of ease and comfort as I sit in my favourite chair. I love the gains and all of the losses. I love every single aspect and hue and shade and tone of my being here, on this Earth, in a body."

That's what I'm talking about. I'm talking about making a conscious choice and then constantly reaffirming it by choosing to say, "Yes!" to Life, to Being, to Body and to All-That-Is.

Acceptance in the Moment

I'm going to write about something that I find difficult to put into words, so please bear with me as I may stumble a bit here.

I've been experiencing a totality of acceptance that is literally Heaven on Earth. Yes, it is exquisitely present only when I am living in the moment, in the Now, but the Now extends into my next moment, and then the next and the next and so on.

It begins when I fully appreciate what I am experiencing. I realize with a joyful sense of total peace and contentment that I don't wish to change a single blessed thing. And then that acceptance and appreciation radiate outward to include everything that is in my Expanded Now, which is to say, everything of which I am aware on any level. So, my body, the contents of my fridge, my home, my day's activities, the state of my finances, the state of my floors (freshly swept this morning), the sky, my relationships with the people around me, the state of the world-whole, the ALL....

And it's not always because everything is so decidedly wonderful. Yesterday afternoon, I drove for an hour to spend an hour with my mother because she is becoming quite emotionally dependent on me lately. I could have felt burdened, or stressed by the demands that she is making upon my time. I could have felt uneasy about where her dependence on me will lead us both. I didn't. I just didn't.

I accepted. I loved the moment that I was in as I drove. I TRUSTED.

I trusted her. I trusted myself. I trusted the process through which we both are moving.

So it is when I listen to the news broadcasts. I trust that all is as it should be. This is not a reasonable thing to do, given the news lately, given the pain and suffering that exist among my fellow human beings on this, our beloved and seemingly beleaguered Earth. It is not reasonable. It is trusting. It is accepting. It is unconditional love for what IS.

Breathing deeply helps to bring this total acceptance into us. Love that asks no questions, that requires no confirmation or response, leads us to this place of peace.

The overriding sensation is of stillness. I have no need in the moment. There is nothing that is not perfect in its being. I have no desire. No want. No preference, even. All is well. All is as it should be. I know I already wrote that, but it is the wellspring source of this peace filled acceptance and needs to be fully felt in the entirety of its truth.

All is as it should be.

Perhaps a poem would help here.

Yesterday

I was standing in a light,

Strange

Still beyond all stillness

No change beyond the All that is all-changing

So being in that whole-self-standing

Light begets light and the darkness loves

Beyond all reason

No need to change anything.

Now, that doesn't mean that I won't play at changing things. I'm currently making my path through the forest and came up against a fallen tree that's right where I want my path to go. A good pair of long-handled clippers and a hand saw are my tools. I will make that path go through to the sunlit clearing that still sings with the summer song of insects just beyond that fallen tree. Yet, I enjoy everything about the moment - even the challenge, the obstacle of that fallen tree. The ache in my arm as I saw away at the branches is part of the perfect process of being in the world that wraps me in its loving embrace.

Tomorrow, I'll write a bit more about being in the world through our conscious choice and constant choosing, for I see that this acceptance in the moment truly begins there.

Blessings of joy be yours and may you know the totality of peace that accompanies true acceptance in the moment.

Joy in the Moment

I don't remember experiencing such joy as I felt yesterday as I sat in our first Drumming Circle. I am so deeply and radiantly grateful for the experience!

The Drumming Circle is one of four activities offered monthly as a series of invitations to experience living in the moment. I was privileged to meet Lynne Hamilton, who led the Drumming Circle in a warm and yet masterful style. Lynne took us gently through the process of familiarizing ourselves with the various percussion instruments that she had brought to the Circle, and then of coming to understand the difference between pure improvisation and a more controlled group effort through careful listening to the whole. It was challenging for us because most of us were new to drumming.

I can't speak for all of the participants, only for myself. I had such fun! I was so filled with joy in the moment that I couldn't keep my body from expressing that joy. My joyful laughter filled my consciousness; it was the only true response that I could make to that much happiness!

Later, on my own at home, I made an attempt to understand why I had experienced such an intense burst of pure and loving joy. The answer was that I have been waiting for just such an experience for a very long time. As a responsible adult, I don't get to play. I thought about it. I haven't been 'allowed' to play, haven't given myself that permission and created a playful experience for myself in YEARS.

I'm not talking about playing Scrabble, as I do each week with my mother at the assisted-living facility where she resides, or playing backgammon or Bridge as some folks do. I'm sure those are pleasurable pasttimes, but I'm talking about improvisational, joyful, self-expressive goofiness. I'm talking about being allowed to make mistakes and call it Experience. I'm talking about moving in a sacred flow of BEing in the moment, dancing between boldness and shyness, responsively maneuvering between the desire for self-expression and the scruples of the ego-self, and interacting in the freedom of a SAFE SPACE with others who are doing exactly the same thing. Phew! Needless to say, the time flew by and we went over our allotted time by no small margin. None of us  minded that at all. We were having so much fun!

Next Sunday will be our first offering of the role-playing experience offered in this In the Moment series. I'll discuss that in an upcoming post. I want to give it my best, and at the moment I'm still glowing from the clear memory of yesterday's joy. In fact, it has carried over and fills me still. So, I'll come back tomorrow, having grounded this energy somewhat, and give a clear, concise description of the activity planned for next Sunday's joy in the moment.

I want to thank Lynne Hamilton from the bottom of my heart for her contribution to my joyful experience yesterday. The crowning moment for me - among so many moments of utter perfection of playfulness and radiant loving happiness - was the moment at the very end of our time together when Lynne bowed gracefully and said, "Namasté." 

In doing this she honoured both herself and all of us by invoking the Divine within each participant.

All is well in all of creation. Don't forget to play once in awhile. I doubt very much that you will ever regret taking the time to do so. As for me - I can't seem to stop smiling today. I hope that the same bubbling of joy and happiness wells in you also.

Namasté

Listening

Many of us are listening to the sound of rain falling today, whether we like it or not, that's what surrounds us if we are in the eastern half of North America. It's a dull and deafening sound, but let's try to feel for a listening that is more of the heart and less of the ears and brain. My impetus for writing about listening this morning is not the sounds that come to us from the natural world that is our home, although these are an integral part of our experience, but rather those that come to us from the people we care about. What is our experience of listening to the ones we love and live with?

Lately, I am being rather uncomfortably reminded of the wisdom of speaking less and listening more. I am therefore practicing the art of being quiet. It is so challenging for me that I need to breathe very deeply to bring myself the courage to continue with this practice. I ask myself why it is so difficult for me to be quiet when I am in conversation with others. I hypothesize that I fill the spaces with words so that neither one of us will feel in the least bit awkward or uncomfortable. This feels like truth, yet it does not satisfy me at all.

Most humans do not feel comfortable with silence, especially in a conversation, yet that is what I am aiming for - that space for the other person to fully express all that they choose to. So, how do we make plenty of room for the other, and listen with the fullness of our presence, and our compassion and love centered within us, without risking awkward silences in the conversation? I managed it the other day, talking with a friend whom I had not seen in a long time. It was immensely satisfying for me and, I think, for her as well. She filled the gaps in the conversation with her musings and insights. There was no awkwardness because we were comfortable enough with each other, I suppose, to allow for a bit of space between the words. 

How did I manage to accomplish this listening and not speaking? I entered the conversation mindfully intending to create that space for her to speak for as long as she chose to do so. I suddenly realize as I write this post that I never regret doing that! I never regret being quiet and listening. I frequently regret speaking too quickly or too much. Sigh. The way forward seems quite obvious, does it not? Be quiet, Lu!

I love the notion of the 'talking stick.' In case you have never experienced a talking stick session, I'll describe it briefly for you. An object is selected as the talking stick. Whoever holds the object can talk for as long as they choose without interruption or verbal comment. What invariably happens is that people suddenly and deeply understand that they have the time and space to think about what they would like to say and how they would like to say it. Without feeling rushed and under threat of imminent interruption, they speak more slowly, more thoughtfully, and with more feeling, wisdom and truth. Their words are well-chosen, poetic and insightful. They fully develop their thoughts and ideas. Having been part of a group discussion using the talking stick method, one does not ever want to engage in discussions without it! It's wonderful!

Unfortunately, it is not a regular occurrence. We tend to simply do without it. I would like to live in a world where discussions with talking stick are a regular occurrence. Listening and speaking from the heart is so much easier when talking stick is used!

Imagine then, that the other person holds the talking stick. It is sacred. It is intricately carved, brought forth from the depths of humanity's grace and honour - of each one for the other. Imagine that the other person continues to hold the stick and give her all the space that she can possibly use to express her ideas and thoughts to you. Let her words and all that surrounds her words - the energies, feelings, context, subtleties and nuances - flow from her to you. Let them enter your heart. Let them linger there. Let them expand within you so that all that she is can be known by you. This is listening.

Imagine doing this for a child. For it is still true, even today, that we listen less than we could to our children. Imagine doing this for all of the people whom you love.

Imagine doing this for your seeming enemy (In truth, we have no enemies, only those who appear to disagree with us).

When the other person slows, stops completely and looks at you expectantly, imagine that you hold the stick. Then speak from your heart, your soul and your wisdom. Speak from your Divine self, from your compassion, your innate knowing, your love. Speak your truth. Speak your joy. Know that you are given the space to do so.

Imagine if we all listened and spoke in this way.