Honouring the Free Will of Others

I'm sure that every person reading this will assert that he or she consistently honours the free will of others. We are civilized, after all, and that is what civilized people do. We do not coerce others. We do not force other people to act against their own will.

Do we?

I find this question to be a bit of a minefield. I believe that I have infringed on the free will of another, because I believe that all that I think and feel and choose, whether I act upon it or not, has an affect. My feelings and thoughts are like pepples falling into still water, and they send waves out in every direction. And this is true for all of us. We radiate. The question is: What are we radiating?

Most of the time, we just mind our own business and graciously wish for freedom and well-being for all whom we encounter. But what about when we are trying to get a promotion at work? What about when we are trying to sell our house, or buy a house that someone else has offered to purchase - pending the details of securing financing.... Do we think about the financing falling through for that person? Do we picture the colleague suddenly being called to work in another office, so that we can have a clear shot at that promotion? Oh, no harm is meant by it! Surely if we mean that no harm can come to another, we can dream our little day dreams and hope for the best for ourselves?

I don't know the answer to that question. Perhaps 'harm' being such a relative term, I can't fathom how I could possibly know what was harmful to that person and what was not. I do know one thing though. It feels very different within me when I refrain from wishing anything at all for another - good, bad or what-have-you - it feels very very different when I just don't wish anything for another. It feels clean. It feels free of some immeasurable weight.

We have names for this - "Let it go," we say, "Don't touch this; it's not yours." We can call it being karma-free. We can call it total acceptance. Honouring of the other's path and choices. I call it 'clean' and didn't know that I call it that until I wrote it just now.

Being a very strong-willed and determined person, and becoming ever more mindful, I find that I often infringe on others' free will. Maybe I'm being too careful.... But I have to follow my truth in this matter. I intend to become so mindful that I do not at all infringe on the free will and choices of others. Even my husband, my sister, my colleague. People whose actions and choices impact me. I want it to be easy. I want it to be fun and bright and peaceful. But it's not all up to me. I get to choose for me. I'm the boss of me. But you are the boss of you. And I don't get to make THAT call. Only you do.

I find this challenging! I want what I want when I want it! Yet, this new tendency toward an attitude that is always honouring of others seems to live within me and will not allow me to knowingly infringe on others' free will and choosing.

I remember a group of women, women who had all studied The Course in Miracles, sitting in a diner booth and talking about their lives, the way women do. One of the women had a lover, whom she adored, but who had become a crack cocaine addict. We all commisserated, of course. "Terrible tragedy," we murmured, until one woman said, "We don't know that. We don't know that it's a tragedy. It might be exactly what he needs to take him to where he has chosen to go. We don't know his path. It's not for us to judge it as terrible or wonderful or anything else."

That was years ago, that moment in the diner, and I honestly can't remember who it was who said it, yet I remember it so clearly because what she said echoed through me ....... echoed through me .........  and then again and again. It changed everything. We can't know. We don't know. Why, in God's name, do we judge? Why do we try to 'heal' each other, fear pain, fear illness? Why do we try to change each other? Make each other eat more vegetables and less sugar? Exhort younger sisters to wear less black? Shame our self-indulgent selves by shaming our self-indulgent neighbours?

Addict? Victim? Chronically ill moaner and whiner?

Human being with free will and the ability to choose and a path that is unique. Each to his or her own, a sacred path, a way forward that is perfect for that one person, a self that is to be honoured in all its seeming absurdity and contradiction.

Let it go.

Let it be.

Honour the free will of others .......  If that is your choice.