Listening

Many of us are listening to the sound of rain falling today, whether we like it or not, that's what surrounds us if we are in the eastern half of North America. It's a dull and deafening sound, but let's try to feel for a listening that is more of the heart and less of the ears and brain. My impetus for writing about listening this morning is not the sounds that come to us from the natural world that is our home, although these are an integral part of our experience, but rather those that come to us from the people we care about. What is our experience of listening to the ones we love and live with?

Lately, I am being rather uncomfortably reminded of the wisdom of speaking less and listening more. I am therefore practicing the art of being quiet. It is so challenging for me that I need to breathe very deeply to bring myself the courage to continue with this practice. I ask myself why it is so difficult for me to be quiet when I am in conversation with others. I hypothesize that I fill the spaces with words so that neither one of us will feel in the least bit awkward or uncomfortable. This feels like truth, yet it does not satisfy me at all.

Most humans do not feel comfortable with silence, especially in a conversation, yet that is what I am aiming for - that space for the other person to fully express all that they choose to. So, how do we make plenty of room for the other, and listen with the fullness of our presence, and our compassion and love centered within us, without risking awkward silences in the conversation? I managed it the other day, talking with a friend whom I had not seen in a long time. It was immensely satisfying for me and, I think, for her as well. She filled the gaps in the conversation with her musings and insights. There was no awkwardness because we were comfortable enough with each other, I suppose, to allow for a bit of space between the words. 

How did I manage to accomplish this listening and not speaking? I entered the conversation mindfully intending to create that space for her to speak for as long as she chose to do so. I suddenly realize as I write this post that I never regret doing that! I never regret being quiet and listening. I frequently regret speaking too quickly or too much. Sigh. The way forward seems quite obvious, does it not? Be quiet, Lu!

I love the notion of the 'talking stick.' In case you have never experienced a talking stick session, I'll describe it briefly for you. An object is selected as the talking stick. Whoever holds the object can talk for as long as they choose without interruption or verbal comment. What invariably happens is that people suddenly and deeply understand that they have the time and space to think about what they would like to say and how they would like to say it. Without feeling rushed and under threat of imminent interruption, they speak more slowly, more thoughtfully, and with more feeling, wisdom and truth. Their words are well-chosen, poetic and insightful. They fully develop their thoughts and ideas. Having been part of a group discussion using the talking stick method, one does not ever want to engage in discussions without it! It's wonderful!

Unfortunately, it is not a regular occurrence. We tend to simply do without it. I would like to live in a world where discussions with talking stick are a regular occurrence. Listening and speaking from the heart is so much easier when talking stick is used!

Imagine then, that the other person holds the talking stick. It is sacred. It is intricately carved, brought forth from the depths of humanity's grace and honour - of each one for the other. Imagine that the other person continues to hold the stick and give her all the space that she can possibly use to express her ideas and thoughts to you. Let her words and all that surrounds her words - the energies, feelings, context, subtleties and nuances - flow from her to you. Let them enter your heart. Let them linger there. Let them expand within you so that all that she is can be known by you. This is listening.

Imagine doing this for a child. For it is still true, even today, that we listen less than we could to our children. Imagine doing this for all of the people whom you love.

Imagine doing this for your seeming enemy (In truth, we have no enemies, only those who appear to disagree with us).

When the other person slows, stops completely and looks at you expectantly, imagine that you hold the stick. Then speak from your heart, your soul and your wisdom. Speak from your Divine self, from your compassion, your innate knowing, your love. Speak your truth. Speak your joy. Know that you are given the space to do so.

Imagine if we all listened and spoke in this way.