Intensity of Experience

Perhaps it’s part of the ongoing energies of the time, but I am filled with strange knowing and it is sort of tearing at me, bringing tears close, bringing a need for a hug, for a hug from someone else who also knows and feels as I do.


Knowing – just knowing that it will be as it will be and it will be intense and it will be WholeBeing and it will be experienced by me, by others, and it will be okay. I will experience and I will feel and I will love and lose and mourn and sing and so on and so on and that is okay. There is nothing that can be any more intense or strange than what I’ve already lived through, already experienced. In the moment, in the rise and fall of a day’s light, a morning’s doings, an evening’s slow swing into night, I will experience so much that will fill me and change me and move me. There is no avoiding it. There is only feeling, breathing. Living in this way is not for the faint of heart, yet we all experience so much and with such intensity anyway. We run from it in a great variety of ways, notably novels, television, companionship and its diversions, food, alcohol and addictions, problems that aren’t really problems, drama and disease. We run from it, yet we inevitably experience it anyway. Just screened by these things, so that it will be bearable.

I choose not to screen it so much. It is abrasively present in me today, wearing at me. What will be, will be. I will lose more loved ones. I will experience fear and uncertainty, love and confusion, loneliness and loss, along with all the happiness, creative fulfillment and joy. Living in the moment is not always easy or pleasant. Today, I am somehow being confronted by this in a very stark manner. I am challenged, but undaunted. Tears are close, yet I will continue on the path that I have chosen.

Something else, I give all of my being and doing to my divine self. I choose the divine will that leads me into experiences that will change me and my situation in ways unforeseen by my conscious self. And I feel how big it is in me, that I do this. This is transformative.