Release

Have you felt the need to release as I have?

Have you felt the need to release everything that hadn't previously been released?

I feel as if, over the past few years, I've been cleaning out this large and complex system of spaces within me - all that I have ever been, lived, experienced, defined myself as. I'm not eliminating any of it, but rather bringing it up for review and resolution, acceptance and validation. Slowly and somewhat painfully, over the years, I have gone through space after space within me. I have delved into emotions, memories, feelings and contradictory feelings. I have reviewed actions taken, decisions made, fears managed, challenges met. I have had incredibly clear memories of times long gone. I could smell, see, taste and hear so much of what was occurring at the time; it is as if I were back there, back then.

Just when I thought that the clearing and cleansing and releasing were completed and done, another layer would reveal itself. Lately, as you know from reading previous posts, a layer of fear was uncovered. It is not a surprise to me that it came late to the process, for it challenged me very deeply. We tend to feel that our fears are baseless and shameful. We tend to hide them away from others and eventually from ourselves. It took a lot to bring these fears up into my consciousness for the inevitable review and resolution, acceptance and validation. And while some releasings have been completed by me in a matter of hours, this release has taken days.

All we can do is to work within the exigencies of the process, in the Now, with as much courage and honesty as we can muster. It is enough, I think, that we intend to see it through to its complete release. Our intention carries us forward. I feel hollowed out after the intense movement of emotions and energies through me, after their release. I feel hollowed and quiet. I feel that there is room now within for new understandings, new realizations. I write this with some chagrin, for I had thought that there were few new understandings to be acquired, few new realizations to be embodied. Mistaken, I was.

All my life I have been one who walks the land, bush-wacking, finding old farm lanes and logging trails, or striking out with no guidelines at all. Many's the time, especially in my younger days, when I thought that I was near a road or trail that would circle me back to my comfort zone, my home, my car.... only to find that I had mistaken the lie of the land and had yet another valley to traverse, another wetland to skirt, another hillside to climb before the circle was complete. And this journey into clarity, into the embodiment, the true and full embodiment of divinity in humanity, feels like that. Just when I think that I'm on the last few steps of the journey, another cliff-edge or unexpected depth of watery feeling presents an imperative all its own.

Release. Allow. Accept. Resolve. Validate. Appreciate. Honour. Know.

Only then, can we move on.