Moving Through

Well, the minor annoyance of an internet connection that was not working properly turned into a nightmare of not being able to.... I barely managed to get my blog post out to you yesterday. The day's web work degraded into a sort of nightmare of can't-be-done and I'm-stymied. When the work day was over, I went out for some much needed fresh air and walked and walked and walked. And as I walked, I asked myself what I was feeling. And the feelings came. Oh, yes! Those feelings came.

Feelings of anxiety, of despair and helplessness, poured through me like a downpour of sour spurned soup. Feelings of dread of the next day's struggle reminded me of a time in my life when that was pretty much the way of it every single evening, every single morning. I lived in almost constant anxiety and dread of what was to come. Phew!

So last night I sat with it. I sat and felt it. It filled my body, filled every cell. It's still there this morning, mere remnants now. I felt it and worked it through me. It's what needs be done when we get that overwhelming wash of feelings. Whatever it is that is confronting you, and I suspect that there is something confronting you right about now, you can do as I did; let those feeling move through you, face them and feel them. Give yourself the time and space to do this.

What I do is to ask questions of myself. When did this feeling fill me? What surrounded me at that time? Where did this feeling arise from? Is it mine? Is it someone else's? And I answer these questions.

And what tends to happen is that a part of me, an aspect of me, if you want to use that terminology, presents itself to me. And when that happens, I am the wise and compassionate Other for that aspect of myself.

There was a time when I felt all of this anxiety on a daily basis. I suffered panic attacks and nightmares. I dreaded facing the world every morning. There was a woman in her thirties and early forties who felt that way. Her name, like mine, was Lu. I find her and I stand with her. I stand in compassion with that Lu. Last night I told that terrified Lu that she was allowed to feel fear, that it didn't make her any less than anyone else. I told her that she could feel it for as long as she needed to feel it. I told her that she could stay with me during that time, that I would not reject her for her fears. I told her that she was not alone and would not be alone; I was with her and would stay with her. Why did I say all of this? Because the first thing that we say to someone who is afraid is, "Don't be afraid." We deny them their feeling. We send them, inadvertently, the message that unless they stop feeling that way, we might not accept them. I wanted her to know that she is allowed any and all feeling. I wanted her to know that I can and will stand that feeling, feel it to the fullest, and remain with it and remain with her until the feeling is past and done. Then together we will move on.

"But that Lu is gone," you might say. No, she is not. She lives on inside of me, in my sense of self and world. She informs my present. She is my past unresolved, in need of healing, in need of release through allowance, acceptance, unconditional love and compassion. And it is I who give these to her. For who else could possibly do so? And it is myself whom I am saving from the pain and fear of standing it all alone. My future is my past healed. My Now is my past resolved, released, set free.

Before my web browser totally conked out yesterday, I was able to scan a few signs of the times, take a reading on the energies of these days. I think that we are being asked to do this work now, of seeing all that there is to see within us, realizing our darkest, deepest secrets of self and bringing them into the light of our understanding and compassion. And if I can do this work, I know that you can do it also.

I think it's time for this now. It certainly is for me! And as scary and difficult as it is, it is necessary work. It is honourable work. It is work that takes courage and heart-felt love of self.

You can do this.

I can do this.

Let's do this.

On the other side of this struggle to come to terms with all of who we are there is a peace and a love of self and world that is literally heaven on Earth.

Oh! Remember a few posts back, how I wrote of that incredible peace? That peace is waiting for us. We are so close now. We just need to make sure, absolutely sure, that our totality of self is in its wholeness within that peace. Nothing that we are or have ever been can be left behind. And our loving soul-selves help us to ensure this inclusion of All that we are. Our electronic devices, our cars, our spouses and children and co-workers .... they are all helping to ensure that we see into all the shadowy corners and pick up all of our discarded parts and pieces.

Don't forget to breathe.