I recently went through an emotional scene with a family member. I fell out of joy, out of ease, out of peace. When we are faced with a conflict, a hurtful encounter, or a serious difference of opinion about how something should be handled, our inner world seems to be taken over. Everything becomes centered around that one space where things are not well, not balanced, not at all as we would have them be.
There are many ways that people find to deal with these kinds of things and there have been many books written giving advice and wisdom about these challenges. I have a perspective that I offer here.
Always it begins with our truth. We listen to ourselves. We ask ourselves how we are feeling, what we are feeling and then we ask ourselves why. And since we are swimming in these feelings anyway and nothing else seems to matter in the moment, we delve and we swim and we dive and we surface again. We stay with it until we have a clear sense of why we are upset and off-balance.
I was in a joyful and serene state before the upset occurred and at first I didn't make much of it. I went on with the activities and enjoyment of the day. But as evening came and with it a quiet time to sit and feel into what had happened, I realized that I needed to release the sense of hurt and insult that was in me. And the only way out is through.
From a place of peace and joy, we cannot always delve into the murky tangle of our ego concerns and fears of lack. We need sometimes to voluntarily relinquish joy, turn from peace, in order to clear and release the detritus that is in us from much earlier days and much earlier fears and hurts.
My mother spoke unkindly to me. That is the gist of what happened. It wasn't the end of the world, but it triggered something in me, and I knew that it went beyond that particular moment and that particular thing said and into a deeper and older place within me. Put very simply, if something hurts, find out why and then find out what the very essence of that hurt is so that you can realize it within you and accept it.
For us to ask these questions of ourselves, for us to probe the hurt, we need sometimes to turn away from joy and peace and love for all that is, as cleanly and clearly as we so often turn toward them. I'm reminded of a lovely home with dirty closets. What we really want to do is to clear out all the closets and cupboards and under every bed. Then, we can dwell in that house in all of our integrity, all of our truth and with all of our love and beauty unimpeded, unencumbered, free.
So for as long as it takes to hold that steady gaze upon our own selves being in the world with that person, that conflict, that situation - we do it. Breathing helps. We take long deep breaths that fill us with the courage and the strength to go on. We ask of ourselves that the truth be known to us. We accept that truth when it is presented to us. We listen to the small voice inside of us, the voice of our own wisdom, the voice of our own divinity speaking to us with such love, such compassion. That quiet voice speaks with a certain knowing, a certain authority. It provides insight. It resolves.
Then we stay with that understanding, so precious to us, and we let it sink in, let it soothe the hurt, soften the anger, slow the tears. We take the time to come to peace with that hurt, that fear of lack. For so often, these upsets have their origin in fear and in a hurt that was first felt when we were very young, very small and vulnerable. When we can accept it as an integral part of our experience of being in the world, we breathe that acceptance into our bodies and know peace. For there is nothing that we are, or have ever been, that is not a valid experience of what it means to be in the world. All of it enriches us and enriches the gift of experience that we give to Source through our being in the world.
Finally, with peace and acceptance within us for what happened, for what we felt and what we feel we need going forward, we release it with a sense of gratitude for what it has brought to us of understanding, of knowledge and wisdom, of experience. We let it go.
And it is then, and only then, that we can return to balance within ourselves and tune our frequency to joy once more. If we try to rush this process, it backfires on us and hurtles us back into imbalance and upset. And we cannot be in any way dishonest with ourselves. If there is a hurt, it will make itself known and we, in our love for ourselves, take the time to feel it and know it and call it our own before letting it go.
I have not completed the process of making peace with my mother after what happened the other day. She is away visiting friends at the moment, so our conversation about what I feel and need is delayed. But the conversation will take place. That is the other side of all of this. We are individuals functioning among other individuals in the world and we need to make our needs known to the people around us. When we have done the work of becoming clear to ourselves, for ourselves, we can make our needs known without a lot of drama. We can be clear with our loved ones and co-workers about our boundaries and our needs. This is always our right as human beings choosing to live in the frequency of joy.
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