There is ego-mind involved here - a strong ego need for recognition, so that ego can feed on that. There is also an issue, for me, of provision of abundance. If my achievements are limited, so limited, then so is my abundance. There is a part of me that believes that. Our need for recognition is tied to our sense of self-worth and our sense of self-worth is tied to our issues of abundance and enjoyment of what life has to offer.
I come to understand at a very deep level that I chose this non-achievement in the material sense for this lifetime as I chose to delve very deeply into the interior self, into self-awareness and self-actualization.
I chose to live ideas like unconditional love and honouring, compassion and total acceptance of all that is. So I chose a quiet, unassuming life, a 'little' life in the 3D view of things. I am simplifying here because it's really quite big, but there aren't enough words to convey the totality of it. My ego-mind self struggles against this limitation of my being seen in the world and doing things that are lauded and applauded. I chose to limit my doing so that I could concentrate on being.
So, I'm feeling my way into all of this, and working toward acceptance of this and transmutation of the ego-tripping part of this. My ego-mind self has been yelling and causing a ruckus and that is to be witnessed, honoured and understood. And I do understand it. Ego feels ripped off!
But, this morning, in quiet safe space, I gave my ego-mind a little taste of my I AM presence energy and it was really interesting, because ego got really quiet and felt different when I did that. Ego got very calm and accepting. So, this is interesting.
We come into this incarnation, this being in the world, with a certain soul level, divine self level, purpose and thus a sense of what is vital to this incarnational journey and it doesn't always jive with ego-mind or human consciousness perceptions of what is important or desirable.
Will I experience abundance? I already have and will again and again and again. The light that I shine as I AM here on this planet is a gift of great value and in return for that gift that I give, I receive abundance, grace, ease and joy. But I don't experience everything that my ego-mind wanted to experience. I was gonna be somebody!
It feels like a tragedy of promise and potential unfulfilled. It is a very very hard row to hoe, a hard life to experience. I would have had a much easier time of it if I had 'amounted to something' in the eyes of others, in the eyes of my family, my coworkers, my ego-mind self. My own ego-mind self judges me as being a failure. And this is what needs to be released and transmuted.
Last night, I realized that my sister and brother had judgemental and critical energy being sent to me when I was younger, and were doing that by agreement with me, as I wanted to be kept small, kept interior looking, self-critical, self-doubting and self-aware. I suppose that I internalized that judgement of myself. I choose to release that now, today.
So, I sat with that and worked with that for awhile and I have completely released that, and the anger of my ego-self aspect at not being able to experience ‘success’ and the recognition of others’ that I am successful. I’ve come to deep resolution of this and acceptance of this. I made these choices pre-incarnation. It has not been easy, but it has been absolutely worth it to become all that I have become. I have actually ‘succeeded’ in this incarnation 100%, and I am all that I should be now and always have been.
And this is true for everyone. We are all exactly where we should be all the time. We are all exactly as we should be all the time. It might not seem that way to our ego-minds or to our human consciousness.
Step into the I AM consciousness within you. Center yourself in your heart and your heart's truth to find it. When you have done this, introduce the I AM to your ego-mind, and see what happens.
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